Dog Paw Butter is Ridiculous

Yesterday was C25K run number 3 and I seriously considered quitting in the middle of it. There was no good reason for my despondency, I just didn’t want to do it. But then my traitorous brain came through for once and reminded me that there were ACTUAL REAL PEOPLE reading this. That meant something to me and I decided not to be a douche for once and finished the damn run. 

Afterwards I was thinking about how rough the road is and even though we walk the dogs on it often I though the (very slightly) faster pace might be tough on their paws. So I dug out some paw butter that I bought last winter and never used. I bought it because it gets really cold here (-40C on occasion) in the winter and was a little worried about their toesies. But they were fine so I didn’t have occasion to use it. When it’s that cold we don’t walk. They run outside, pee as quickly as possible while holding up one or two legs and trying not to fall over and then run inside. They also have dog boots which are hilarious the first time we put them on each winter.

SO! I attempted to apply dog paw butter to their paw pads. They were tired when I started which is the ideal condition to trim nails, cut hair and what have you. Chinook was lying on the floor near the couch so she was the lucky one to go first. She was pretty tolerant and let me rub it in to one paw while she lay there with a “wtf are you doing?” look on her face. I had put the jar on the couch next to me while I applied it. This paw butter smells amazing especially if you’re partial to oatmeal, apparently it also tastes amazing because Switch had snuck up behind me and was noming it down while I worked on Chinook’s paw. It was so good that when I reached up to grab it for the second paw he was in the process of picking it up and running away with it! I told him to drop it but that wasn’t happening and he snuck away with his sneaky ears on and his “I’ve got something you want!” trot. Now Chinook doesn’t like it when switch puts those ears and that trot on and so she tried to chase him while also trying to hold one paw up, lick it and bark at the same time. I got up and tried to use my authority voice to get him to come and give it to me…. unfortunatley I’m only the boss about 70% of the time and this happened to be a 30% hour. 

Now Switch is running around with the paw butter, Chinook is limping, licking and barking after him with me in the rear both laughing and yelling as we run around the dining table with carnival music playing in my head. Hilarious. I wish someone could have seen it, although not Cesar Milan. Svelte would have had tears of laughter for sure. 

Eventually I retreived the paw butter but the tired dog state we started in was gonezo. I persevered! The laughter ceased, mom’s the boss was once again established and dogs were calm and lying on the rug. Chinook’s paw buttering commenced without further incident. She licked it all off but I managed to rub some in there first. 

Switch was another story. You must understand that Switch is the silliest, most easy going, do anything to him, waggly tailed, laid back German Shepherd ever. He looks scary, but he’s a little sweetheart. Front paws, no problem. I picked up his back leg and he shrieked like an eight year old girl who just had her finger cut off. Lately we’ve thought he might have a sore back leg so I thought I might have hurt him, even though I only picked his leg up a maximum of one inch. So I let him relax for a while and then tried the other leg, SHRIEK! There was absolutely no way I had caused him any pain, he was being dramatic. He’s known for his dramatic sighs and flopping lie downs. If he could put the back of his hand to his forehead and say “woe is me!” he’d do it occasinally. We tried the other leg again, SHRIEK!

Now boss mom really came out! “LIE DOWN!” I said. He lay down. I gently took his back paw in my hand. He gave me the eye and I could see the shriek building. “NO!”. He sighed. Paw butter was applied. We all lived. Now the other paw. No problem. I finished rubbing it in and looked at him. HE HAD THE JAR OF PAW BUTTER IN HIS MOUTH AGAIN! I let go, he ran away, Chinook gave chase, carnval music and general hilarity ensued, he stopped and licked it all off. 

So paw butter: I’m sure you’re good for the paws, but you’re ridiculous and I will never use you again. 

Shout out to the King and Queen who called yesterday to say how much they like reading the blog. Thanks parental people!

Also a shout out to all you guys who I don’t know in real life but are reading, liking, and commenting. You kept me going yesterday and I’m sure it won’t be the last time. 

C25K week 2 starts tomorrow, Disney or bust, Huzzah!


p.s. Yes We’ve had Switch’s leg checked by our Vet as well as Princess America who was just visiting for a couple weeks and is also a Vet. He’s fine. Dramatic, but fine 😉

3 thoughts on “Dog Paw Butter is Ridiculous”

  1. Good god Princess America cannot believe you bought that shit. Also Princess America enjoys talking about herself in the third person because her new Princess nickname is perfection. There are a lot of durps in this story by the way. A lot. Way above your durp quota.


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