Let me set the scene for you:
It is 6:30 am and I have just finished night shift.
It’s the day before our vacation and I am so tired.
I am not going home, but instead standing outside with James ready for a run.
It is dark, it is cold, it is snowing.
James is lit up like a proper runner with lights and reflectors. I am a ghost wolf ninja assassin because I’ve never run in the dark before and I am still a total noob.
I told James that crazy people do this and asked if I was now a crazy person. I really can’t remember whether he said I was or I wasn’t, I was too cold to listen properly. So I decided that I was. Officially.
We started our 6k loop and as we ran I warmed up. No. That’s not quite right.
We started our 6k loop and as we ran I got less cold. My upper legs never really got warm the entire run. I have no running pants longer than capri length, so I put on some bright pink tall socks and swallowed my pride. I’ve had to do that a lot lately so I’m getting better at it.
I forgot my watch when I went to work the night before so I was running data-less. It was surprisingly nice actually. I didn’t worry about pace or time or anything, I just ran. The whole thing is a bit of a frozen blur but I do have a few clear memories.
James was a sneaky sneakerson and got me talking about things that distracted me from my icy misery like what running stuff I’m going to buy on vacation and maybe video games? I can’t really remember what I babbled about but it was definitely distracting. I realized what he was doing at about km 4, and at the same time I realized it was working.
I slipped in the snow when I stepped onto the bridge and almost had a fall which could have been unpleasant.
My number one all time favourite thing he said to me on the run came when we were about 500m (maybe less) from the finish. I was dragging, exhausted and cold and heaving oxygen in massive gulps. I also felt like vomit was going to happen in the near future. I stopped to walk and doubled over basically dragging my feet. He turned around and said “don’t look so tired!!”
He said he knew I was tired but to stand up and put my shoulders back and don’t look it. So I did. As soon as I stood up I instantly felt better, and then felt surprised that I felt better. I walked a bit and then picked it up to a painful jog until the end.
I thought about that moment a lot last night and today. I’m going to be tired and sore and in pain a lot over the next year and a half… and then for forever because my goals won’t stop with the Princess Half; but I don’t have to look it. In everything – eating, moving, quitting smoking – I need to stand up and put my shoulders back and not let myself be so defeated all the time when something doesn’t go exactly as I expect it to. When you get a flat tire you don’t get out, slash the other three and then smash all the windows. You change that one ass hole tire and get back on the road. I’ve been a four tire slasher in the past. Not anymore.
We’re sitting in Sea-Tac airport waiting for our next flight right now. We had a crap morning and missed our first connection in Vancouver due to the complete and utter incompetence of Air Canada. Luckily we had a hero on the ground arranging to get us from Vancouver to Seattle in time for our next flight. Thank you to our hero – you know who you are!
I’m watching the humans on their leashes (cell phone chargers) sitting around the airport tied to their devices. I can’t judge them since I’m writing this on my iPad right now, but I can’t help think there’s better things in life. I think I have a decent balance with technology. I’m not too tied to my phone. Someone has recently turned me into a Facebook monster and the blog has increased my social media time for sure but all that has been to my benefit in motivation, support and camaraderie. The difference now is that I want to turn all this off and get out and do other stuff with my body and not just my mind. I want to make it capable of doing the things I want to do instead of it being the thing that holds me back. I used to look at other pudgy girls when traveling and think “well at least I’m not the biggest girl here. That’s good right?”. Now I’m looking at the large women of America and thinking that I cannot compare myself to them. It doesn’t matter if I’m bigger or smaller than someone else. What matters is that I am healthy and fit and the right size for me. And I’m on my way there. Finally.
Ok enough feelings. It’s uncomfortable for me to talk about them instead of eating them, but it is fewer calories.
Theres a couple photos on Instagram so far. I wanted to include them in this post but the airport wi-fi is a little stubborn and slow so I’ll go photoless for now. I have only turned into a raging travel stress banshee once so far and before I ate my feelings I realized that I was in bad nicotine withdrawal and had one of the nicotine mints I brought with me. When I told Cameron it was disgusting he asked what I had expected of a cigarette mint. Touché sir.
Interesting Happenings Thus Far
Onward to SC and keep an eye on Instagram for photos!