Emotions kind of suck. They are a roller coaster. Even though I think of myself as fairly even keeled most of the time, I do have the ability to go all Anne of Green Gables about things…
“When I think something nice is going to happen I seem to fly right up on the wings of anticipation; and then the first thing I realize I drop down to earth with a thud. But really, Marilla, the flying part is glorious as long as it lasts…it’s like soaring through a sunset. I think it almost pays for the thud.”
-L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea
Almost pays, but not quite. Like Anne, I tend to get very excited about things I am looking forward to. Then, when I am inevitably disappointed about something it can plunge me into the depths of despair (yet another Anne saying). That is perhaps a little dramatic; I don’t really do depths of despair, but the fact is I don’t do disappointment well either and it’s my own fault. The worst is being disappointed in myself. For no reason that I can fathom I started out my week that way. Well, I suppose I can fathom that I was disappointed in myself for my slow weight loss due to my not so perfect diet.
I am looking forward to an “easy run” feeling relatively easy… or at least easier than it is now. I am looking forward to fitting into the clothes that I want to wear comfortably. I am looking forward to that half marathon. I am looking forward to beating my records. I am looking forward to being a ninja. Those things are happening slowly and I need to learn not to be disappointed when I fuck up for a day but just toss it behind me and be better the next day. My friend Heather said a little while ago when I was whinging about crap January that she had a bad month also but she had “tossed it in the fuck it bucket”. I loved that.
So, with my disappointing, grumpy week finally in the fuck it bucket lets take a look back shall we?
After Run Week which was great I took a few days off to recover and then on Wednesday James and I set out to run 12.7k. This was my furthest distance so far. I realize that it is a strange distance to shoot for but it so happened that it was the distance from our starting point to my house. I made it 12k and then I could not run anymore and we walked the last 700m.
When we ran 10k the week before along the same route I felt really good. It was hard but I was in the zone and trudging along determinedly. I felt the opposite during the 12. We had actually cancelled the run the day before and I was working night shift on Tuesday night. Because I now had nothing to do the next day I stayed up the whole night watching motorcycle videos (Races to Places with Lyndon Poskitt… if you’re even a little bit interested in motorcycle adventure touring I highly recommend it!) and didn’t even try to sleep although we weren’t busy at all. Then in the morning just as I was getting off work James told me he could now make it and did I still want to run? My first reaction was “but… cancelled… motorbike videos… so tired… no way.” Then my second reaction was “fuck it, lets do it!”
So I busted a move home and slept for three glorious hours before we headed out on the 12k of doom. It was a fight for me the entire time. I was tired and my legs were heavy and I really struggled to get it done. At 11k I was pretty much done. My bra band had rubbed both of my sides raw (a week and a half later it is not quite healed) and I was so, so tired. I vowed to myself to make it to 12k mostly because we had a big downhill coming up and I did not want to quit before that nice gift of geography. I kept my legs staggering until my watch beeped at 12 and then stopped, leaned over and almost fell down. I didn’t fall though because James said “stand up, you need to walk” and then drunk person arm grabbed me to stop me from falling over.
If you’re not familiar with the drunk person arm grab let me fill you in. You grab the unsteady human by the inside of the upper arm and then lift while at the same time guiding them forward so they go where you want them to but don’t fall down getting there. Cameron has been known to use it when I wear heels in the snow or ice. It is very effective, I must say. Cam saved me from near disaster at the Policeman’s Ball in Watson Lake recently with it, and James saved me from falling on my face in exhaustion when I stopped running.
Anyway, the 12k was done but I didn’t run as far as I wanted to and I had some battle wounds to show for it. When I got home both sides were raw and bleeding and I painfully peeled my shirt and bra off which were now stuck to me. Putting on a bra for the next four days was super painful. It was so much harder than my 10k but not just because it was 2k farther, it was harder the whole damn time and while it felt good to stop, it did not feel good to stop short.
Note to self: Body glide now goes everywhere.
Here’s a photo we took on the route but after the run during the vehicle recovery mission.
Spring has almost arrived in the north and I’m bikecited! In fact it’s almost all I can think about. Me and my bike have had a tumultuous history. Three years ago Jenna lent me her little 50cc scooter for the summer as she wasn’t using it and I rode that sucker everywhere. I called it “Scoots” and had a great time bombing around town at a top speed of 60kph (going downhill). That summer if it wasn’t raining, I was scooting. I bought my Yamaha xt225 motorcycle that August and the next day, before I had even ridden it I broke my left ring finger so badly I had to be sent to Edmonton to have it pinned back together. I was unable to pull the clutch in because of this and more than once I sat on my bike, tried in vain to pull the clutch and cried. I had wanted a bike since I could drive and now I had one and couldn’t ride it. Depths of despair!
The next year right at the beginning of the season I did a bad call at work involving a motorcycle and after that I had no interest in bikes for the rest of the season. Cameron was undeterred however and rode the little bike all summer and loved it. Last summer he bought his baby, a KLR 650 and spent hours and hours sanding and painting and modifying it. He took it on a couple of long trips and had a great time. I got on my bike last year and rode it up and down our long driveway and around the neighborhood quite a bit, but unlike a year earlier when I was in a bit of a fitness upswing, I was now extremely out of shape and felt like a hippo on a little bike and would not ride it where people could see. Plus my bike jacket no longer fit… This weight problem of mine has stopped me from doing many things over the years. No more. I absolutely loved riding the bike; it was amazing, but I had no confidence and no strength and that was that.
This year I have bike mania. I have been ordering gear and watching videos and reading articles and bugging Cam about getting out there. Never mind that it is only two degrees out at the warmest right now and half our street is covered in ice. His cooler head has prevailed however and it is not yet time to ride. I did see a motorcycle out on the street yesterday… he probably doesn’t have a 250m driveway covered in ice though. Oh well… the time is coming and when these babies come tomorrow I’ll be ready!
My grumps had endured for about a week with no relief until Thursday night. I realized I hadn’t done stairs this week and I had vowed never to go a week without stairs again to avoid the pain of the zombie walk. I got an amazing text from Alison this week about just that and she has agreed to let me share it with you.
An Ode to the Stairs by Alison
Dear stairs, I’m sorry I have been so absent lately. I have no excuse. You have always been there for me, but lately I have chosen not to acknowledge you. This was my mistake and now you are making me pay. I did my best today to rekindle our relationship (15 minutes is something right?), but you showed me that I should have paid more attention to you. I deserve the pain you caused me today because I should have been more consistent with you. My only excuse is that I find you extremely intimidating, especially when I haven’t seen you for a bit. I know our relationship would be better if I paid more attention to you; this, you have proven to me today. I have seen the relationships you have with others who are more consistent and it looks amazing. I wish I had half the commitment and dedication as those people. They are truly inspiring for having you as a steady. One day I wish to be more like them and give you more of my time. I don’t want to feel the pain that I felt today again, so I guess I will commit to you more.
Calves, hamstrings, quads, heart and lungs
That is both awesome and true, so I headed to the stairs before work for the first time by myself and did five sets before dashing off to a shower and a night shift.
That night I got to do a wonderful call at work. I’d love to describe it to you all but alas due to patient confidentiality I cannot. I will say however that it was one of those calls that go perfectly and make you feel awesome and remind you why you wanted to do the job in the first place. It was amazing and I’m still riding high about it a little bit. It effectively ended the Kirsti grumps and put my life back in perspective for me, reminding me of what I’m capable of when I’m at my best and what is really important. I just need to apply that best to fitness and nutrition and I’ll be rolling. The next day I went snowboarding with James and two of his human children which was happy fun good times. It was much more fun than running 12k after night shift. It was a beautiful day and it was nice to get out and ride for probably the last time this season.
We are also puppy-sitting for Alison and Quinn while they are away on vacation. It is super fun and also exhausting… Sunny is adorable. Here she is with Switch. They are now bff’s… most of the time. Their favourite game involves Switch stealing her toy and then running away while Sunny chases him barking and biting the backs of his legs. He loves it.
Cameron had committed to James to start P90X3 before March 15 and his deadline was fast approaching. I’ve been bugging him to do something but not pushing too hard because I know what that’s like and when you’re not feeling it, you’re really not feeling it and pushing does not help.
The other day Cam had his bike out to mount a new tank bag that he was really excited about. He had it all set up and propped the bike up straight to mount a new fuel tank on the back. The bike was not stable enough when up straight and started to tip over. As Cam was behind it there was nothing he could do and he just had to watch and shed a single tear while his baby fell over. This single tear quickly progressed to multiple tears when he realized the fuel cap was not sealed completely and gas began to pour out of the tank directly into his brand new expensive tank bag. (He didn’t really cry but I hear there was a lot of loud swearing… I was not there to witness this unfortunately). He tried to pick the bike up quickly… then he tried again… then he went full rage hulk and hauled that sucker up.
Cameron had found his fitness motivation.
I agreed that to motivate each other it would help if I was doing more workouts at home too so we could work out at the same time and keep each other accountable to get that shit done. So while Cam does P90X3 I am going to rock Turbo Fire. I realize that I’ve committed to other programs here before and failed but if I let that stop me I’ll never do anything and just stay like this. So yet again I will attempt to finish something I’ve started. Turbo Fire is a cardio dance/kickboxing type workout which is honestly fairly ridiculous but there is no denying that it is first an amazing calorie burner and second, pretty damn fun (I’ve done a couple months of it before). So while Cameron hangs out with Tony down in the gym I will dance punch my way to fitness upstairs thereby keeping him motivated and knowing that I’m not playing Final Fantasy while he swears his way through one million planks and jumps and buckets of sweat. We started yesterday and Turbo Fire takes me right through to the last day of July.
This does not mean I won’t be doing all my other normal stuff. I’ll still be Jamesing it up with runs and stairs and fire halls and fights. Worry not fair followers!
The week to come will have stairs, Turbo Firing, motorbike boot arriving, a block at work, and who knows what other adventures!
I’ve now lost 5lbs on weight watchers in 5 weeks and considering I lost 10lbs in the 6 months before that I should be pleased with that… and I am!
Here’s to Spring, motorbikes and being off the roller coaster and back on solid ground!!
We’ll just ignore the fact that it snowed an inch between writing this last night and polishing and publishing today. The streets that were bare and dry yesterday are once again covered in ice and snow… The universe mocks me.
Switch and Sunny with a cameo by Chinook at the end. Don’t worry Alison and Quinn, we’re teaching her lots of bad things like playing tug with slippers…