Thirty Nine Days

A few weeks ago I decided it was finally time to start writing again. Since that decision I have been procrastinating like a professional. It has been six months since we last saw each other and so many things have happened in my life that I knew this entry would be long and overwhelming. I didn’t know how to tackle it and so I didn’t. The other day I said to Cameron that I had a lot of regrets about the last six months because I haven’t made any progress. He told me to forget about the last six months because they’re gone and focus on the next six months. That is good advice. I’m taking it.

My regrets are only fitness and weight loss related… otherwise life has been pretty awesome. When I was talking to Alison the other day about my feeling of overwhelmation (not a word, I know) regarding writing the blog again she suggesting making a list of “10 things that have happened to me since my last post”. GREAT idea!

Here are 10 things that have happened to me since my last post:

1. We got new motorcycles!!

  • The conclusion of the motorcycle diaries:  We got new bikes while we were in BC and rode them home. They are amazing. My bike’s name is Lara and I love her with my whole heart. Cameron’s bike is called Forge.

Lara Bike
Lara Bike and Forge Bike
2. I met my motorcycle hero. We are now friends. For reals. No big deal.

  • Last winter I was finally persuaded to try riding a motorcycle after Cameron got me hooked on a YouTube show called Races to Places. Lyndon Poskitt decided to quit his job and sell all his stuff and ride his motorcycle around the world. He competes in rally races and films it all for his show. I loved it and it made me really want to ride. I likely would not be riding (at least last year) without watching Races to Places. This summer Lyndon was coming through the Yukon and I sent him a facebook message saying thanks for making the show and hoping to be able to meet him and go for a drink or something. He ended up staying with us for a week and we did a lot of fun stuff. We’re still in touch. He’s just finished the Dakar Rally… I’ll talk about that later. Here’s some stuff we did last summer.

Cameron, Lyndon and I on the Hubbard Glacier
In the Icefield Discovery Plane

At the Black Street Stairs. We went twice!
Out for a ride
3. My little brother got married!

  • He picked a pretty great bride. Jess is awesome.
  • It was a beautiful wedding.
  • It was cool to see some old friends.
  • It made me feel old.

4. We bought a house and moved!

  • Kind of out of the blue we bought a house. We’ve had one eye on property available for a couple of years although we have been trying to pay down debt and get in a better position for home ownership for a while now before seriously looking. Cameron found something he really wanted to look at and we went for a viewing but it wasn’t right for us. The realtor had another property she was just about to list in the same area so we went to look at that one and BAM! Bought a house. It’s even more in the middle of nowhere than we already were but hey, look at that view!

5. I had to get glasses 😦

  • Even though I had laser eye surgery nine years ago and therefore have (or had) laser eyes, it seems my right eye is giving up like a jerk. I realized I couldn’t see properly when we moved to the new house and the couch was farther from the tv than it was before. Got glasses thinking I’d just wear them at work and watching tv and stuff… I now wear them pretty much all the time except when running. Luckily my laser eyes are guaranteed for life… so I just have to get myself to Vancouver for a week to re-zap them. Who knows when I’ll get around to that. Until then I’m glassified.

6. I ran the Klondike Road Relay.

  • I ran from the Skagway summit to the Canadian border. This leg was not nearly as downhill as I expected it to be and I was pretty slow but I did it! It was freezing cold and pouring rain. I wore a pink tutu. It was awful (except for the tutu, that was awesome). I just told Alison today that I’d do it again next year. I do not know why I would say that, but I did.

7. We got a cat!

  •  I have wanted a cat for seven years, but as renters it’s hard enough to find a place to live with dogs… so no cat for Kirsti. Now that we FINALLY have a house that we own, in the country, where mice live… I got my cat! We got an orange one because my first pet as a kid was an orange cat named Tigger and I wanted an orange cat again. Turns out my new kitten is a massive asshole and my hands are scratched to shit! He also likes to bite you in the face when you’re sleeping. That is awful and more awful. But he’s adorable when he’s sleeping. He likes to cuddle with Switch. Chinook wanted to eat him on the first day. She had foam drool and could not stop licking her lips and biting the air and definitely tried to put cat in mouth. A couple of weeks later she now defends him from Switch when he gets a little to intense at play time and doesn’t realize his tank paws will crush the 11 week old kitten when playing chase. She will not accept cuddles, but she doesn’t want to eat him anymore… or she hides it really well and will eat him when we’re out of the house one day. Time will tell. We named him Hobbes.

8. I got really sick.

  • Just after New Years I got a cold/flu that kicked me right in the ass. Hard. For two weeks I did not leave my house. I stayed in bed for a couple of days and sweated and snotted. Eventually I was able to make it to the living room for a few hours each day. It was really awful. There are no photos of this.

9. I quit smoking!

  • January third was my last cigarette. I had planned to quit anyway but it was also the first day of my flu so as awful as that was I have to say it really helped. Living in the middle of nowhere with a 30 minute drive to the closest store helps too. But mostly the flu. Now that I’m back in society and at work and near stores and such I’m still doing well. No patch required. I went through withdrawals when I was sick anyway so I didn’t even notice. The snot overpowered them. Yes I’m still craving at times. Yes two and a half weeks isn’t that long. Yes I’m certainly still in danger of failing, but I’m optimistic. I really like breathing into these clear, clear lungs, especially when running.

10. I’m on track again. I’m eating better than I have since I started. I’ve just put together a string of seven days in a row of eating clean and within my points (weight watchers) and exercising. It’s probably my best week since I started this a year and a half ago.

So what got me back on track? Two things.

One. When I was sick in bed for two weeks I thought a lot about the last six months and the time I wasted. When Cameron said to forget it and look forward that was a big mental shift I had to make. Being sick is the WORST, but I thought a lot about the fact that I was going to get better from the flu and a lot of people have injuries or illness that mean they are not going to get better enough to run again or do other things they want to do. I’m lucky to have this body that is capable of running or dancing or riding a motorcycle and it can be capable of so much more than it is now. My friend was saying the other day that her goal is not to have a perfect body but to have a body capable of doing all the things she wants to do. Whether that is to climb a mountain or cross country ski or canoe for six days… that is her goal. I thought that was pretty awesome and rather than focus on a number right now I’m going to pick a couple of things I want my body to be capable of and go for that. Maybe a pull-up, just in case I’m ever hanging from a helicopter skid or the edge of a mountain. I feel like that would be a useful skill. That’s a longer term goal. In the short term lets go with running a half marathon. I’ll find out if I can do that or not in 39 days.

Thirty. Nine. Damn. Days.

I have no time goal, I just want to finish the thing without the sweeper bus hauling me off the course. I am 80% sure at this time that I can. I guess we’ll find out.

Two. While I was sick Cameron and I watched from afar as our friend Lyndon completed the Dakar Rally Malle Moto (unsupported). Of course he has a lot of support and sponsors with gear and such but Malle Moto riders have no support crew, mechanics, RV to sleep in, etc. during the Rally. They are their own mechanic and they set up and sleep in a tent every night. It’s an incredible test of endurance, skill and mental fitness to keep going in extreme circumstances. Lyndon completed the race and place second in his category. He took lots of video and was featured in the Dakar Heroes. On the second last day he posted an emotional video about how tired he was and how difficult the race was but how he needed to stay positive and push on to achieve his goal. Watching Lyndon do this made me realize more than ever before that it is possible for ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary things. He set a huge goal for himself and worked at it systematically to achieve it. When he stayed with us last summer he was already working on the massive logistics required to even get him to the start line. It was inspirational and it made me refocus on my goals and realize that what I want to do is possible.

The majority of people who try to lose weight fail. I’ve known that for a while and over the past six months I’ve thought many times (as I have done over the last many years) that I will just always be big. I’ve been defeated and tried to accept what I am. But I was wrong. It is unacceptable for me. Please don’t misunderstand, I am not saying it is unacceptable for anyone to be overweight. I am saying that for ME, I no longer choose to accept this body that can’t do all the things I want it to do.

I have a closet that is half clothes I can’t wear. I don’t accept that anymore.

If I had to pull myself up on a ledge to get away from zombies chasing after me I would instead be a tasty brain snack. I don’t accept that anymore.

If I ever broke my leg and needed to be lifted into an ambulance I’d probably need four of my coworkers to do that instead of the standard two. Horror of horrors. I don’t accept that anymore.

I will SO not be perfect. I will have off days. And I make no promises about writing regularly, I’ll probably just break them. However my head feels clearer than it has since I started. My lungs feel clearer than they have in years. I ran a personal best 5k yesterday and I lost two pounds this week (on top of the 6 I lost because of the flu).

Disney is all booked and in 39 days I’ll be in Florida running my first half marathon. I’ve been pretty sad I won’t be there in triumph 100 pounds less than starting. I’m embarrassed that I didn’t do what I said I’d do, but since I can’t lose 80 pounds in 39 days there’s nothing I can do about it other than eat well and train as hard as possible in the days I have left. This I can do.

This I will do.

~P²
Thanks friends and followers that have been encouraging me to come back. It felt good to write again!

Just Fucking Do It 

One year has gone by since I started this blog. That seems crazy. How can it have been that long?? I had a birthday last week and I’ve spent my thinking time since then evaluating where I’m at and where I’m going. I’m also celebrating a year of blogging with a fresh new look for Pudgy Princess!! I hope you like it! 

It was an amazing year for Cameron and me. I did so many things and learned a lot and got out and enjoyed life. Last year one of my vague goals was to start feeling like I was living instead of just existing. If that was the only criteria I judged this year on then I’d say it was a resounding success. But there’s more to it than that. I wanted to be so much further ahead of where I am right now and this week feelings of failure, (along with an – overly enthusiastic dancing – related minor back injury) have kept me in a tired rut of defeat. I’m trying to haul myself out of it now by laying out exactly where I wanted to be vs. where I am, and why that is.

I was running with James the other day for the first time in a while and he told me to look as this new year as a fresh start. I told him that I can not look at it as starting again. That’s so discouraging. I’ve started again so many times in my life. But this time I haven’t quit, so there’s no need to start again. There’s nothing wrong with starting over when that is what’s required… but that’s not where I’m at. I’ve decided to think of this month instead as a reset. Basically the device is still running but things are getting slow and crashing often and maybe just turning it off and turning it on again will fix it up. No need to chuck it and get a new one. An old fashioned reset should do the trick.

Yes… I basically just called myself a PC.

For the last month and a half I’ve been a little checked out and fitness has definitely come second, or third or fourth in my life. I’m putting it back on top starting now. My one year blogiversary. I used to think of it as my job and my number one priority, and it will now be put back in that place. It has to be that way for me. Jump in with both feet and give it everything I have.

I got 20% of the way to my goal last year. I want to lose 100 pounds, I lost 20. I put no timeline on that goal so that I wouldn’t feel awful if I didn’t meet it. It’s important to me to keep going no matter how long it takes. I still feel great about my loss and I’m so much more comfortable just doing normal life things being more strong and fit with those pounds gone, however at that rate it will take me five years to get to my goal. That’s too long. I’m not insisting on a deadline for myself to lose the 100, but I will not give up until it is done and I’d certainly rather it was faster than slower. So after this birthday/one year of blogging reset I’m going to stop hanging on to my old crappy attitude towards my nutrition and tackle that next. I know how to work hard, now I have to eat right.

With that in mind going forward, let’s take a look back.

I really have had one of the best years of my life. It started out with a visit from Princess America just over one year ago and her challenge to run. I took it and kicked off August of 2015 with walks around my neighborhood that evolved into running slowly for barely one minute at a time. There were many minutes of walking in between those painful run minutes and it was very hard but I kept at it. One month later Alison took me to the stairs for the first time. I met James there and then things really kicked up a notch. A friendship began that has taught me what hard work look likes like and how to do it. Although I don’t believe I’ll ever achieve his level of discipline and work ethic his example makes me want to be better, and I am better because I know him.

My most stalwart supporter is Alison without question. She regularly kicks my ass and endures my whinging to make me do things I don’t want to do. This year she has kept me going to the stairs, running, and even took up the challenge of teaching me to cross country ski. I suspect she may have kept teaching me after the first session mostly because of my sound effects (of terror) and apparently hilarious facial expressions, but that’s ok. We had a pretty good time and I’m looking forward to doing it again this year when the horror of winter descends upon us once again.

I recently hiked up hills with Jenna which one year ago would have been incomprehensible to me. That reminded me of how far I’ve come even if I was feeling discouraged about my progress. I hauled the hose around at the fire hall and climbed their tower countless times. I had an awesome trip to South Carolina where I got to hang out with the awesomest of friends and also managed to run almost every day.  I shot guns at the range and kickboxed with James wherever we had space and time to do it. My family came to celebrate Christmas in the Yukon and we rang in the New Year together. 

I ran in the sun and the rain and the snow. On warm days and frigid days. On roads and trails and around the animal preserve. I went to the Policeman’s Ball in Watson Lake with Cameron and danced the night away with Jon and Jenna. My friends and I carried sand up the stairs twice to celebrate the loss of each ten pounds.

This summer I learned to ride motorcycles which now, to me is freedom. Cameron taught me with the patience of a Saint. In fact in everything this year Cameron has been my number one fan and encourager. One month after getting my license we went on a bike trip from the Yukon to Vancouver Island and back again. We visited family and friends and I learned a lot about what I’m capable of, even when terrified a lot of the time. Halfway through we both got new bikes and had an amazing time riding them home. A few weeks later Lyndon Poskitt came to stay at our house for short a break during his round the world trip and my motorcycle hero became my friend. The three of us went on a glacier flight and did the black street stairs and rode bikes together. He worked really hard at his administrative and media stuff while he stayed with us and inspired me in another way, to work harder on my blog.

In the last week of reflection what I’ve realized most is that at the beginning my blog really fired me. Writing about my experiences running and otherwise was so motivational. I got lazy and I’m not only resetting my running and nutrition but my writing as well. I’m taking two blogging courses right now that will help me stay on top of my writing and explore new sources of inspiration and motivation to keep going…. I hope that this in turn will motivate my running. I’m beginning by setting more measurable, achievable goals in three categories. Running, nutrition and weight loss, and blogging. My project this week is to map out three goals in each area with measurable milestones and actual plans for achieving all of them (and also to put all my laundry away).

James asked me the other day what the biggest thing I’ve learned from him this year has been. I replied instantly “it doesn’t matter how you feel, just fucking do it.” James just does the things he sets out to do. The weather is insignificant, how much energy he has or does not have is insignificant, everything other than the work he has set out for himself is insignificant. Unless there is a legit injury or illness, feelings don’t matter. This I know in my head but lately I’ve been letting my lazy feelings rule the day. For August, it doesn’t matter how I feel, I’m just going to fucking do it. I commit to this now. Loud. August is reset month and I’m going to kill it. I have the Klondike Road Relay in September, my first actual race and I will be prepared for it. I will go into it knowing that I did everything possible to prepare for it in the few weeks I have remaining.

My counter for the Disney Princess half flipped over to 6 months yesterday. That gripped my heart with terror. “I can’t possibly be ready” I thought.

Bullshit.

I will be ready. It’s doesn’t matter how I feel each day. My motto for year two, in a small twist from Nike’s version is: just fucking do it.

The time is passing anyway, I plan to make the most of it.

Cheers to being a little better, everyday.

 ~PSquared

No Eyes

Why the fuck did I choose running?

That was my thought during most of my mediocre run today. Running sucks. It really does. Stopping running, as glorious as it is, failed to be enough for me today. I gave zero shits about stopping. I just did not want to run. So I didn’t.

I’d love to say I did it in spite of my crap attitude, but that would be a big ol’ lie. Realistically I ran a hell of a lot more and a hell of a lot faster than I would have at this time last year (zero running at that time)… But once that thought took over I just stopped and walked with my dogs around my neighbourhood. I enjoyed the sun and the warmth and the wearing of shots and a tank top in the Yukon in April and didn’t care that I wasn’t running anymore. It was quite good.

I’ve been away for a while; I know. I was reading a weight loss blogger’s book earlier this month and she said that usually when we disappear it means we’ve failed, we’re off the wagon, kaput. I think that’s generally true but it’s not the case for me. I actually rocked the last month. I just didn’t feel like writing about it. I’ve had runs and stairs and fire hall shenanigans. Here’s me copping an unintentional feel on rescue Randy while trying to pick him up and drag him around.


I realized this month now that there are more photos of me being taken (because I don’t run and hide as much when a camera comes out) that when I smile big it looks like I have no eyes. I had no idea this occurred. It’s concerning to me because I smile and laugh a lot. Like really a lot. And then my eyes just dissapear. I don’t understand how I can still see when I’m smiling. Why am I just realizing at 33 that this happens?!?! How could I have made it this far in life without knowing? I’ve been pondering this for days. The picture above is about half power no eyes. It gets worse from there. I’ve decided I’m just going to try to return to my blissfully ignorant days when I thought I had eyes all the time and forget the horrid truth. I can be fairly skillful at not thinking about things I don’t want to think about… Unless those things are “ErMahGerd my legs feel heavy and I’m so tired and I want to stop running now please.” Still can’t banish that little gem.

After a distressed conversation with Cameron about having no eyes when I smile I chose this as my Netflix profile picture:

Cam saw it the next day and found it hilarious. He knew instantly why I chose it being clever and funny himself. You have to be able to laugh at yourself right? Especially when you’re super clumsy and have no eyes.

Last week I finally hit 20 pounds lost after many grueling months of hard work. I feel generally pretty strong and fit now especially compared to last year when I was generally pretty squishy and weak. I still have a long way to go but I feel good and my body continues to change weekly in amazing ways. Last week Cameron, Alison, Gillian, James and I did the 20 pound sand carry up the Black Street stairs and dumped the sand at the top with that weight never to appear again on my body. It was a really amazing experience that I am so thankful for. This was probably Alison’s best idea ever and when I get around to editing the video we took I’ll post that along with my revelations about losing 20 pounds and then carrying it up one million stairs… Hopefully later this week, although I make no promises.

There have been a couple of highlights over the last few weeks.  Of course the best thing was losing 20 finally and the sand carry with my friends… But other than that the coolest thing that happened to me was that James took me shooting. This was not only a weight loss highlight, but a life highlight. I had so much fricking fun, and I didn’t deserve it. Not a bit.

James sent me coordinates and told me to meet him there at a specific (and early) time and be prepared for a couple hours of “straight up ninja”. I was excited and scared and looking forward to it. But when the appointed early time came I found myself tired and grumpy and more princess than ninja. The workout began with running uphill which I was less than thrilled about and could not do. Hills have ever been my enemy and I would rather gouge my eyes out than run or walk up them. Then again I’m a big fan of seeing so that’s not really true. But the fact remains, I hate hills. I was a little twat about it to be honest. I didn’t even try that hard. I just grumped up the hill with no idea about the amaziness James had in store for me. I like to think I’d have been a bit less awful if I knew… But I’ll never know.

After three kilometers of grumpy princess we arrived at a gun range. When I realized he was taking me shooting I was immediately ashamed of my behaviour and “I can’t”s and knew I didn’t deserve the fun that was coming. He forgave me instantly and took me shooting anyway. Perhaps I’d stocked up enough ninja points in previous workouts, perhaps that’s just his nature. Either way… It was amazing. I had shot a handgun only once about eight years ago and I was not very good at it. I’ve a lot of rifle experience from working at summer camp and have always loved shooting. I believe people should have a license to own guns as we do in Canada and I have a firearms license, but I haven’t done a lot of shooting. Check out this video of our super fun happy good shooting times.


Let me tell you that I ran my little (Big? Medium sized? Strong?) ass off on the way down the hill after the shooting to make up for my awfulness on the way up. I got my fastest km and fastest mile on the way down. Yes it was downhill but yes I was also working hard to make up for princessing out on the way up. This was an experience I will never forget. Thank you Jedi.

I turbo fired faithfully for a couple of weeks while Cameron p90x3’d faithfully… Then we skipped one night. Then another night. Then a week. Honestly. Will I ever be able to do the crap I say I’m going to do? I hope so. Turbo and running and weight watchers helped me get to that 20 pound mark. I’m back on it now and must continue if I want to keep getting results. I know this in my brain. Now I need my body to stop being a douche and listen to it.

I’ve been working hard on my motorbike skills. That first time on the highway was terrifying and also exhilarating. I’m not sure if there’s a better way to travel on a warm and sunny day. I’ll let you know how I feel once I’ve ridden on a cold and rainy day. I suspect it will not be quite so pleasant. But I’m in it now. Cameron and I bought a KLR650 for me and I both love it and am a little scared of it. It’s amazing and so much more comfortable on the highway than my little xt225 with a lot more wind protection and power. It is also a lot heavier and may or may not be easy to drop. There’s no way to know. However if I did drop it once while trying to park right in front of the windows of Boston Pizza there was probably a dude with tattoos all the way up and around the back of his bald head and neck and wearing a hoodie that said something or other “prison” that walked up to me and said “it’s ok honey, we’ve all done it”. I’m not even shitting you. That might have really happened to me last week. It actually made me feel a little better about dropping it. The fact that Cameron installed the crash bars the day before also helped. Here’s our bikes together, mine is the black awesomeness on the left.

The last two weeks since I’ve hit 20 pounds lost I’ve been in a bit of a lull. James has been focused on his own training this month as he has competitions coming up for Fire Combat and I’ve fallen down without him. I guess I’ve been leaning on him pretty hard for motivation and inspiration and advice and when he stepped away I just kind of fell over. It sucks but I think it’s really a good thing and let me be clear – this is not his fault, this is all me. I think it’s ok to lean on your trainer a bit but the time has probably come that I get up on my feet and do it on my own. Or at least be able to do it on my own. Don’t worry, James hasn’t abandoned me… I really don’t want you think that because it’s not true. He’ll be back around again regularly after his competitions and such and if he’s not I’ll probably punch him pretty hard. That would be super ironic because he’s trained me to be able to punch really hard. Although I suppose I’d have to catch him first and I really can’t do that yet. No punching will be required though, worry not.

A few other highlights this month were lots of stairs with Alison, swimming with Jenna, playing music in a bar in front of humans with Josh, and running a personal best 5k with just my thoughts and my music and no running buddy. The last one was great because I suck at running on my own. I just think about how much I hate running. This one time I was able to forget that and actually push myself hard enough for my best time. I can’t tap into that superpower most of the time. I thought it would get easier as I got fitter but it has not. I can’t strip away the pain and the fatigue and the thoughts and just run. I keep thinking maybe one day that will happen and oh it will be glorious and make it all worth it… And maybe that’s why I keep running… Because some day I might love the run. It’s possible that one day I’ll feel light, and fast and free.

If I quit now, I’ll never know.

Plus, sometimes I get to shoot guns.

~P²

 

The Roller Coaster

Emotions kind of suck. They are a roller coaster. Even though I think of myself as fairly even keeled most of the time, I do have the ability to go all Anne of Green Gables about things…

“When I think something nice is going to happen I seem to fly right up on the wings of anticipation; and then the first thing I realize I drop down to earth with a thud. But really, Marilla, the flying part is glorious as long as it lasts…it’s like soaring through a sunset. I think it almost pays for the thud.”

-L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Almost pays, but not quite. Like Anne, I tend to get very excited about things I am looking forward to. Then, when I am inevitably disappointed about something it can plunge me into the depths of despair (yet another Anne saying). That is perhaps a little dramatic; I don’t really do depths of despair, but the fact is I don’t do disappointment well either and it’s my own fault. The worst is being disappointed in myself. For no reason that I can fathom I started out my week that way. Well, I suppose I can fathom that I was disappointed in myself for my slow weight loss due to my not so perfect diet.

I am looking forward to an “easy run” feeling relatively easy… or at least easier than it is now. I am looking forward to fitting into the clothes that I want to wear comfortably. I am looking forward to that half marathon. I am looking forward to beating my records. I am looking forward to being a ninja. Those things are happening slowly and I need to learn not to be disappointed when I fuck up for a day but just toss it behind me and be better the next day. My friend Heather said a little while ago when I was whinging about crap January that she had a bad month also but she had “tossed it in the fuck it bucket”. I loved that.

So, with my disappointing, grumpy week finally in the fuck it bucket lets take a look back shall we?

The 12k

After Run Week which was great I took a few days off to recover and then on Wednesday James and I set out to run 12.7k. This was my furthest distance so far. I realize that it is a strange distance to shoot for but it so happened that it was the distance from our starting point to my house. I made it 12k and then I could not run anymore and we walked the last 700m.

When we ran 10k the week before along the same route I felt really good. It was hard but I was in the zone and trudging along determinedly. I felt the opposite during the 12. We had actually cancelled the run the day before and I was working night shift on Tuesday night. Because I now had nothing to do the next day I stayed up the whole night watching motorcycle videos (Races to Places with Lyndon Poskitt… if you’re even a little bit interested in motorcycle adventure touring I highly recommend it!) and didn’t even try to sleep although we weren’t busy at all. Then in the morning just as I was getting off work James told me he could now make it and did I still want to run? My first reaction was “but… cancelled… motorbike videos… so tired… no way.” Then my second reaction was “fuck it, lets do it!”

So I busted a move home and slept for three glorious hours before we headed out on the 12k of doom. It was a fight for me the entire time. I was tired and my legs were heavy and I really struggled to get it done. At 11k I was pretty much done. My bra band had rubbed both of my sides raw (a week and a half later it is not quite healed) and I was so, so tired. I vowed to myself to make it to 12k mostly because we had a big downhill coming up and I did not want to quit before that nice gift of geography. I kept my legs staggering until my watch beeped at 12 and then stopped, leaned over and almost fell down. I didn’t fall though because James said “stand up, you need to walk” and then drunk person arm grabbed me to stop me from falling over.

If you’re not familiar with the drunk person arm grab let me fill you in. You grab the unsteady human by the inside of the upper arm and then lift while at the same time guiding them forward so they go where you want them to but don’t fall down getting there. Cameron has been known to use it when I wear heels in the snow or ice. It is very effective, I must say. Cam saved me from near disaster at the Policeman’s Ball in Watson Lake recently with it, and James saved me from falling on my face in exhaustion when I stopped running.

Anyway, the 12k was done but I didn’t run as far as I wanted to and I had some battle wounds to show for it. When I got home both sides were raw and bleeding and I painfully peeled my shirt and bra off which were now stuck to me. Putting on a bra for the next four days was super painful. It was so much harder than my 10k but not just because it was 2k farther, it was harder the whole damn time and while it felt good to stop, it did not feel good to stop short.

Note to self: Body glide now goes everywhere.

Here’s a photo we took on the route but after the run during the vehicle recovery mission.


After this run I again took a few days off and tried to stay at home and wear a bra as little as possible while I pretty much just healed up and grumped around and watched more motorbike videos.

 Motorcycles on my Mind

Spring has almost arrived in the north and I’m bikecited! In fact it’s almost all I can think about. Me and my bike have had a tumultuous history. Three years ago Jenna lent me her little 50cc scooter for the summer as she wasn’t using it and I rode that sucker everywhere. I called it “Scoots” and had a great time bombing around town at a top speed of 60kph (going downhill). That summer if it wasn’t raining, I was scooting. I bought my Yamaha xt225 motorcycle that August and the next day, before I had even ridden it I broke my left ring finger so badly I had to be sent to Edmonton to have it pinned back together. I was unable to pull the clutch in because of this and more than once I sat on my bike, tried in vain to pull the clutch and cried. I had wanted a bike since I could drive and now I had one and couldn’t ride it. Depths of despair!

 

The next year right at the beginning of the season I did a bad call at work involving a motorcycle and after that I had no interest in bikes for the rest of the season. Cameron was undeterred however and rode the little bike all summer and loved it. Last summer he bought his baby, a KLR 650 and spent hours and hours sanding and painting and modifying it. He took it on a couple of long trips and had a great time. I got on my bike last year and rode it up and down our long driveway and around the neighborhood quite a bit, but unlike a year earlier when I was in a bit of a fitness upswing, I was now extremely out of shape and felt like a hippo on a little bike and would not ride it where people could see. Plus my bike jacket no longer fit… This weight problem of mine has stopped me from doing many things over the years. No more. I absolutely loved riding the bike; it was amazing, but I had no confidence and no strength and that was that.

 

My bike on the left, Cameron’s on the right

This year I have bike mania. I have been ordering gear and watching videos and reading articles and bugging Cam about getting out there. Never mind that it is only two degrees out at the warmest right now and half our street is covered in ice. His cooler head has prevailed however and it is not yet time to ride. I did see a motorcycle out on the street yesterday… he probably doesn’t have a 250m driveway covered in ice though. Oh well… the time is coming and when these babies come tomorrow I’ll be ready!

 

The End of the Grumps


My grumps had endured for about a week with no relief until Thursday night. I realized I hadn’t done stairs this week and I had vowed never to go a week without stairs again to avoid the pain of the zombie walk. I got an amazing text from Alison this week about just that and she has agreed to let me share it with you.

An Ode to the Stairs by Alison

Dear stairs, I’m sorry I have been so absent lately. I have no excuse. You have always been there for me, but lately I have chosen not to acknowledge you. This was my mistake and now you are making me pay. I did my best today to rekindle our relationship (15 minutes is something right?), but you showed me that I should have paid more attention to you. I deserve the pain you caused me today because I should have been more consistent with you. My only excuse is that I find you extremely intimidating, especially when I haven’t seen you for a bit. I know our relationship would be better if I paid more attention to you; this, you have proven to me today. I have seen the relationships you have with others who are more consistent and it looks amazing. I wish I had half the commitment and dedication as those people. They are truly inspiring for having you as a steady. One day I wish to be more like them and give you more of my time. I don’t want to feel the pain that I felt today again, so I guess I will commit to you more.

Sincerely,

Calves, hamstrings, quads, heart and lungs

That is both awesome and true, so I headed to the stairs before work for the first time by myself and did five sets before dashing off to a shower and a night shift.

That night I got to do a wonderful call at work. I’d love to describe it to you all but alas due to patient confidentiality I cannot. I will say however that it was one of those calls that go perfectly and make you feel awesome and remind you why you wanted to do the job in the first place. It was amazing and I’m still riding high about it a little bit. It effectively ended the Kirsti grumps and put my life back in perspective for me, reminding me of what I’m capable of when I’m at my best and what is really important. I just need to apply that best to fitness and nutrition and I’ll be rolling. The next day I went snowboarding with James and two of his human children which was happy fun good times. It was much more fun than running 12k after night shift. It was a beautiful day and it was nice to get out and ride for probably the last time this season.

We are also puppy-sitting for Alison and Quinn while they are away on vacation. It is super fun and also exhausting… Sunny is adorable. Here she is with Switch. They are now bff’s… most of the time. Their favourite game involves Switch stealing her toy and then running away while Sunny chases him barking and biting the backs of his legs. He loves it.

P90x and Turbo Fire

Cameron had committed to James to start P90X3 before March 15 and his deadline was fast approaching. I’ve been bugging him to do something but not pushing too hard because I know what that’s like and when you’re not feeling it, you’re really not feeling it and pushing does not help.

The other day Cam had his bike out to mount a new tank bag that he was really excited about. He had it all set up and propped the bike up straight to mount a new fuel tank on the back. The bike was not stable enough when up straight and started to tip over. As Cam was behind it there was nothing he could do and he just had to watch and shed a single tear while his baby fell over. This single tear quickly progressed to multiple tears when he realized the fuel cap was not sealed completely and gas began to pour out of the tank directly into his brand new expensive tank bag. (He didn’t really cry but I hear there was a lot of loud swearing… I was not there to witness this unfortunately). He tried to pick the bike up quickly… then he tried again… then he went full rage hulk and hauled that sucker up.

Cameron had found his fitness motivation.

I agreed that to motivate each other it would help if I was doing more workouts at home too so we could work out at the same time and keep each other accountable to get that shit done. So while Cam does P90X3 I am going to rock Turbo Fire. I realize that I’ve committed to other programs here before and failed but if I let that stop me I’ll never do anything and just stay like this. So yet again I will attempt to finish something I’ve started. Turbo Fire is a cardio dance/kickboxing type workout which is honestly fairly ridiculous but there is no denying that it is first an amazing calorie burner and second, pretty damn fun (I’ve done a couple months of it before). So while Cameron hangs out with Tony down in the gym I will dance punch my way to fitness upstairs thereby keeping him motivated and knowing that I’m not playing Final Fantasy while he swears his way through one million planks and jumps and buckets of sweat. We started yesterday and Turbo Fire takes me right through to the last day of July.

This does not mean I won’t be doing all my other normal stuff. I’ll still be Jamesing it up with runs and stairs and fire halls and fights. Worry not fair followers!

The week to come will have stairs, Turbo Firing, motorbike boot arriving, a block at work, and who knows what other adventures!

I’ve now lost 5lbs on weight watchers in 5 weeks and considering I lost 10lbs in the 6 months before that I should be pleased with that… and I am!

Here’s to Spring, motorbikes and being off the roller coaster and back on solid ground!!

~P²

We’ll just ignore the fact that it snowed an inch between writing this last night and polishing and publishing today. The streets that were bare and dry yesterday are once again covered in ice and snow… The universe mocks me.

yodacycle

 

Switch and Sunny with a cameo by Chinook at the end. Don’t worry Alison and Quinn, we’re teaching her lots of bad things like playing tug with slippers…

RUN WEEK!

It’s RUN WEEK!

I’ve had a great February so far and I’ve been far too busy to write about it! It’s been relatively warm in Whitehorse and I’ve taken advantage of it.

Last Sunday was the 2016 Disney Princess Half Marathon. That means we’re officially down to one year before I wing my way to Florida for the 2017 run. Realizing this I started to panic a bit. Down to one year already?? I’ve made a ton of progress in the last six months but there’s a long way to go.

It was serendipitous that my days off this block fell Monday to Friday and thus James declared it to be RUN WEEK! We aimed for a goal of 25k for the week. This may not seem crazy to those of you that are seasoned runners, but to me it was daunting; much more than I’ve achieved in a week before.

I started out on Sunday morning after a long night shift. I headed to the Canada Games Centre when I was relieved at 0630 to put in a couple of early kilometers on the track. This turned out to be a terrible idea. I had just finished my first night shift and my routine is usually to get home and collapse into bed as soon as possible and sleep as long as possible in order to be a non zombie for my second night shift. This generally works pretty well for me. I can often get a workout in after a sleep but I’ve never tried one right after first night shift. I ran for 3.5 sluggish, sleepy kilometers and then decided I had to get the eff home. When I got home I discovered to my dismay that I was now totally awake. My attempts to sleep were fruitless and I got up and had some breakfast and a hot tub and didn’t feel sleepy until the afternoon. I had a short nap and woke up feeling like total crap for second night shift. It’s safe to say I will never do this again. After second night shift when I have to stay up the next day for some reason or other it would be a great way to start the day… Lesson learned. In any case, I was already 3.5k towards my 25k goal and that gave me a little comfort on my second long night shift.

The next day I was a smart princess and slept immediately after my shift for about 5 hours. I woke up and got ready for a 10k run with James. My first 10k outdoors. I’d run the distance on the track before but the lack of gps tracking meant that we couldn’t be sure of the distance and it turns out based on how long it took us that I did not, in fact, make a full 10k that day. We left James’ truck at the finish line and took my car up Hot Springs road and parked at the springs planning to run the whole road. It was bare pavement! After running only on snow outdoors for months I was really really excited to run on pavement. It was slow and it was hard at times but I felt really great which surprised me after my night shift – early run – miscalculation. I struggled less than I often struggle on 5k runs even though we were going at about same pace. I still run pretty slow but damn it I ran that whole 10k. Here’s the data. As you can see it was gradually downhill almost the entire time and it still took me almost an hour and a half, but that’s ok. I did it! Just look at that calorie burn! This run took me to 13.5k for the week and it was only Monday.

10k garmin

After my previous run of 10ish-k I attempted to run the next day with disappointing results. I couldn’t even run 2k before I was exhausted and sore and grumpy. I beat myself up pretty hard for that one and it took me a week at least to get my spirits back up. With that in my memory I was nervous about my run the next day. We were heading out for 5k on the Millennium Trail. I kind of expected to fail which is a crap attitude and not one I usually indulge in. It was a sunny day though and the sun always makes me happy. I could even feel it’s warmth. A few weeks ago when I was discouraged about something or other my friend and stalwart supporter Chris told me that soon I would be out in the sun and be able to feel it’s heat for the first time and that would perk me up. I was thinking about that conversation and how right he was when we headed out. It turned out to be a great run and I finished it no problem. I was really encouraged by that result and ready to push for more on RUN WEEK! It was only Tuesday and I was already 18.5k towards our goal of 25.

Wednesday we hit the track at the Games Centre once again for some recovery on the springy surface and it was a less than great run for me. My shin splints made themselves known in force for the first time this week and I limped painfully and whinefully through not quite 3k before I was done. We spent another half hour fighting and I managed to bust open a few knuckles and jam my wrist with my right hook. My wrist was so painful that James asked if I thought I broke it. I definitely did not but I replied that it would be really cool to be able to punch hard enough to break a wrist. James agreed that would be cool and that since we’d still be able to run he’d be ok with it, haha! Here’s a couple photos of the track we run on at the Games Centre. We’re very lucky to have a spot like this in Whitehorse when the weather is frigid.

Panorama of the Track


The View From the Track


Today with another 5k run on the Millenium Trail we hit our goal! I made it to 25.76k at the end of our run. It was a hard one in the middle. My leg was sore but much better than yesterday thanks to being KT taped to the nines and a pre run ibuprofen. Smack in the middle as we crossed the bridge I was struggling pretty hard. My legs felt heavy and my breathing was ragged. It was snowing and generally gross out and I really wanted to give the fuck up. But I pushed on thanks to some distraction talk and my resolve to run every one of the 25k I wanted without walking. Less than a kilometer later I felt great, I got my rhythm back and we chatted about how you can feel so awful and then so great in the course of one 5 kilometer run. The range of thoughts and feelings you can experience in that distance are amazing. James said for the first while your body is often trying to get you to stop torturing it by telling you that you can’t breathe, and then that your leg hurts, and then something else hurts, and then you have to pee, and then another part hurts. But finally it realizes that you’re gonna keep running no matter what your body says so finally it says “fuck it, I guess we’re doing this” and lets you do your thing.

So now having already reached my goal for the week I get to do some fun shit tomorrow! I’m going to the firehall for some stairs (did you ever think I’d call stairs fun?!? I didn’t), a fight and some firefighter stuff which is always fun times. Then I’m going to stay and help out with the Combat Team workout… on the condition that I can whistle at boys. 😉

Last week Cameron and I made good on my resolve to go snowboarding and went to Mt. Sima for an afternoon of riding. It was a beautiful day and I got a nice picture from the top. I also convinced him to go for a walk with me at the Wildlife Preserve and last Saturday we had a cold but sunny walk there which was great. I’ve continued my cross country skiing adventures with Alison and I’m getting a little better as evidenced (according to Alison) by my ability to look where I’m going instead of at the tips of my skis and also less sticking out of my butt while trying to balance. Apparently I still put my arms out like wings when I’m going downhill. I also yell pizza! (Ya know, the shape you make with your skis to slow down) and let out the occasional downhill shriek. It’s super fun.


I’m not satisfied with 25k. I still have a day left after super fun happy times tomorrow to push it further. The dilemma is that I’m working days on Saturday. So James and I are heading out at stupid o’clock, aka 0500 for another 5k to make it 30 for the week. That gives me enough time to rock the run, get to work, have a shower and still relieve night shift a little early after which I will immediately lay on my work couch in exhaustion after a run week well done. Best. Job. Ever. Work couch? I mean, come on! I love it. We just moved into a new station with a new, huge communications centre which is amazing. My crew joined me for a pizza/movie night last block and I took this picture for the memories and also to give James a small heart attack. He hasn’t seen it yet so you can enjoy it with him. I have such a great crew and we had a great shift… after which I had crap run morning but nevertheless… good times.


Finally I’ll leave you with this little gem.

Fixed!

~P²

I’ve Joined a Cult and Other Shenanigans

We were in our early 20’s when one of my best friends told me she’d joined a cult. I can’t remember where we were or what we were talking about before she said it but seemingly out of nowhere she said something like “well I did it. I joined a cult.”

As she is not the cult joining type, I was confused. Then she told me that the cult in question was Weight Watchers. I also had some pounds to lose in those days and I ended up buying in to the cult too. I was dedicated and I quickly shed the weight I wanted to with the gift of being young and having a job in a barn where I was constantly physically active. When I got near (but not quite all the way to) my goal I stopped the weight watching and maintained a weight I was pretty happy with until I stopped working in the barn. Obviously it all came back after that plus some… but what I retained was forever thinking of Weight Watchers as a cult.

After months of making many fitness gains but zero weight losses I decided to re-commit to the cult. I joined two weeks ago and at my weigh in today after a looong night shift I am down 3.8lbs since joining! I have logged my points faithfully and while I haven’t been perfect and I had a bit of a rummy pirate weekend last weekend it is working! Thank fucking… cult? Weight Watchers is definitely a corporate machine that makes shit loads of money off repeat customers and desperate people, but if you follow the plan it works. So I’m officially a devout cultist. Deal with it.

I’m so happy to finally write a blog about a good couple of weeks and some real success! I really, really can’t tell you how much I appreciate the support everyone has given me in comments and messages and real hugs and love you’ve all given me as I’ve been struggling along here for the past while. I feel like the past few blogs can be summed up with “hey guys, I super suck but I’m still trying!!”. I’m glad you’ve stuck with me and I’ve had a great February so far, filled with adventures.

Last week my friend Gillian walked 100 miles from Whitehorse to Braeburn as part of the Yukon Arctic Ultra pulling a sled full of supplies and I was so honored to be a small part of her support in doing this amazing thing. She and her friend Jennifer set out on Feb 4th at 1030 and finished on Feb 6 at 0230. I got to bring them some pizza and snacks at the marathon distance at Rivendell Farms and also headed out in the middle of the night to cheer them through the finish at Braeburn. I brought Gillian a delicious brekky bowl (my choice of last meal if I ever have to choose) and a heated truck seat home to Whitehorse after her adventure. It was so cool to cheer then in to the finish and be there to see it. I won’t ever forget it. Gillian is a huge inspiration to me and as I said before, I was so happy to be able to be part of her adventure! Here they are at the marathon distance and then at the 100 mile finish line! I can say for sure this is something I will never do. First because I hate the cold, second because my worst fear is falling through ice and third because Gillian told me after she was finished to never, ever do it! Haha!

GandJMarathon.jpg

GandJ.jpg

James continues to stick with me through success and failure and we had a couple of good workouts to kick off the month. My favourite by far though was when he brought me to the fire hall to workout with the Combat team. Now when I say I worked out with the Combat team, what I really mean is they worked out, and I worked out with James, and we happened to be in the same place at the same time. Of course I can’t even come close to reaching their level of fitness right now, but it was really fun to try some of the stuff they do. First we climbed the tower about a hundred times (ten, ten times) and the view from the top is pretty great. It was a beautiful day.

Firetowerview.jpg

It is so much better than the black street stairs in winter. First, it’s not fucking freezing. Second, it’s not as many stairs. It feels like you’re accomplishing so much more when you reach the top more often and then get to go down. I got a couple of great videos of the guys. Here’s one of Jeremy. My regular readers may recognize Jeremy as the man of many encouragements that are not always helpful, but always well intended. I like this dude a lot. Even though his encouragement is helpful about 30% of the time, it makes me smile 100% of the time.

At the top of the tower I wanted to check out how heavy that hose hoist was. Turns out… it’s really, really fucking heavy. It would take me at least ten minutes to get that thing up if I could even do it at all, which I highly doubt. Here’s my Jedi killing it.

Yeah, I know. Awesome.

So after a bunch of stairs we moved on to hauling a charged hose around while James took some pro photos that he had to fight a bit to get me to let him take. After that I tried to pick up the manikin dude they call Randy – note, also the name of my boss which I find hilarious – and drag him. He was one million pounds (really like 180ish pounds) and after multiple attempts I managed to pick him up and drag him maybe ten feet resulting in many bruises to both forearms and both thighs which I am still sporting a week later. Good times. Really, I loved it. I loved this workout because it was not just running, or just stairs, or just whatever. We did a bunch of stuff, including a good fight and it was varied and intense and overall, fun! 

James.jpg

KirstandtheHose.jpg

The next Monday James and I hit the cross country ski trails for a run that we ended up getting in trouble for. Turns out you can’t run on the ski trails in the winter. Now we know. I was post pirate weekend and it was pretty rough for me which was my own fault. Do not drink rum like Captain Jack Sparrow the night before a run with James. I should have learned this lesson months ago. Apparently I did not. Now I have and really have.

Later that same day after weeks of effort, Alison finally got me to try cross country skiing with her. This was a minor miracle because in the past I had, lets say, a bad experience on the XC skis. Four or five years ago Cameron and I decided at the beginning of the winter that we were gonna get super into cross country skiing. He grew up doing it but I had never tried it. I grew up downhill skiing. I figured “hey, it can’t be that hard, right? I mean, it’s not like you’re flying down the hill like you are on the mountain.” Oh boy I was in for a surprise. At the time we lived on a 40 acre property and we figured we could ski around the perimeter and get a good trail going and get lots of exercise with the dogs. So, with infinite confidence we headed out to Coast Mountain Sports and bought ourselves some nice skis, boots and poles and were excited for a winter of health. Cam talked me through the basics and we headed out around our place with him setting the trail and me following.

It was terrible! The snow was at least a foot and a half deep and there was no gliding at all. It was pretty much walking with big, awkward planks on my feet that my heels didn’t stick to. I hated it. Then we hit a little hill, which looked like a huge hill to me with my plank feet. Really it was a small dip that went down and up for a total elevation change of maybe 4 meters. I was terrified. Cam glided down and up effortlessly. I took a deep breath and went for it. I glided down the hill and once I hit the bottom immediately fell over. I was a tangle of skis and poles and floundering around in the deep snow trying to get up while Cameron laughed his ass off at the top of the hill. I had to take my skis off to get up to the top and tearfully yelled at him that I was “never ever doing this fucking piece of shit sport ever again!” I kept that promise until this week.

After Alison convinced me it was great idea to try it again, Cameron dug my brand new (and yet four year old) skis and boots out of the shed and I headed to Alison’s house where she scraped the ancient wax off of them and got them ready for the temperature that day. She took me to actual ski trails (the same ones I got in trouble for running on earlier that day) with tracks and grooming and shit and gave me a proper lesson. It was night and day to my previous experience. I loved it. It made a huge difference to learn from someone that is not my husband and also to learn on proper ski trails from an experienced skier. I was pretty scared but it turned out to be awesome. I kept looking down at the tips of my skis for some reason. Alison told me at least ten times to look where I was going. I’d say “FUCK!” look back up and not three minutes later I’d look down and get hypnotized  by my ski tips until she told me again to look where I was going. There were a couple of small hills which terrified me due to my bad experience but she talked me through them and laughed at my expression while I struggled and screeched down the hills. She told me she recreated my faces and noises for Quinn later that night, which I’m sure was pretty funny. She took good care of me and I had a great time and am super excited to get out there again. It was a good cardio workout without the pounding that running does to my body and I really had fun. When we finished up I was regretting wasting the last four years not skiing actually, it was that fun.

On Tuesday Jenna came over for a run around my neighbourhood after our day shift. We ran shortly after we both ate dinner and we each regretted that. I was very glad we did the run after it was over but oh gawd it was so cold and my dinner was making itself know as was hers. I had a hot tub before I went to bed and after 30 minutes in there I was still cold when I tucked myself in.

Wednesday I was lucky enough to have a workout in the middle of my day shift. James came by for a fight and some planks that my core is still feeling a little today, many days later. I do not take for granted that fact that I can occasionally get a workout in on the clock… it’s a pretty amazing perk to what is already the best job ever.

Thursday James and I hit the Millenium trail on a sunny 2 degree day and I had the best run I’ve had in weeks. While it wasn’t a PR it still felt great to get around the 5k without walking and we had a good chat and told some funny stories which made running kinda hard at times while laughing and I felt really good to be out in the sun. I was struggling in km 3 pre funny stories and asked him why the fuck anyone runs. I told him it was a stupid thing to do… he agreed that it was pretty stupid but reminded me that I run to stop running, and when I stopped running I remembered why it’s so great. Stopping running is the best. I needed to remember that.

On Friday, disaster! The following is embarrassing… but it’s the truth and it’s also funny, thus I will share it with you. I was between night shifts and I slept until the early afternoon. When I woke up I headed to the hot tub, as usual. All was normal until I got inside after my soak and proceeded to take my bathing suit off. What is a normal everyday occurrence turned into disaster when I bent over quickly to take my bottoms off. I was bent almost 90° and my lower back seized so hard I could. not. move. It was so painful and I was stuck, bent over, in pain, in my bathroom, with no clothes on. It was so bad I actually considered calling an Ambulance to help me for at least four minutes. This may not mean much to my non-emergency services readers. However to my fellow medics and other first responder friends you’ll understand how bad it was. I work in a small service and therefore I know everyone that works for EMS in Whitehorse pretty well. I could only think of about two people that I would be ok with finding me stuck and naked in my bathroom and both of them are on my crew so I knew they were not working at the time. So I ruled out calling for help pretty damn quick. Eventually I straightened up and made it to my bed where I managed to lay down and whimper. Unfortunately I had a workout with James at the fire hall (my new favourite, as you know) scheduled in the next hour and I texted him that I messed up my back…. he didn’t text back. FUCK! I assumed he was busy at work (he was as I found out later) and I refused to just not show up, so I took a bunch of ibuprofen, told myself I was fine and headed out. I was not fine. We walked the stairs maybe four or five times and I was done. I was so angry that I hurt myself TAKING OFF MY FUCKING BATHING SUIT! I literally do that every day. James said to tell people that we were running through the woods and fighting at the same time and we were attacked by wolves and I punched one in the face and got injured fighting them off. I liked that much better. A running wolf fight injury is much more majestic than a stripping injury. Wolf fight it is.

Skiing with Alison this week made me miss snowboarding. I haven’t ridden in years. My excuse before this year has been my severe out-of-shape-ness. My excuse this year has been my no-snow-pants-that-fit-ness. So this week, before the back pain disaster, I took my board in for a wax and sharpen and went and bought some end of season sale Walmart snow pants that fit. I was planning on going to the hill this weekend with Cam but the wolf fight injury has got in the way. I’m still kinda hoping that enough muscle relaxants may let me go ride tomorrow, we’ll see.

All in all, February has been great so far. Once my back is a-ok I’ll be right back at it. Hopefully that is ASAP. The week of Feb 22 James has a big running week planned for us and I plan to rock that shit. I’m at just under a year until the big Princess Half Marathon goal…

My friend Gord put up a photo on Facebook of us riding at Grouse Mountain seven damn years ago this week. It made me nostalgic and happy and sad and missing him and those good times in Paramedic Academy and on ski patrol. I was a lot more fit in those days. Actually that’s not 100% true. I was smaller for sure, but maybe not more fit. Even though I have a long way to go still (a very long way), it’s possible I’m more “fit” now, at least cardiovascularly, than I was then. I doubt I could have run 8k, or 10k without stopping even though I weighed less… and I guess that’s something to be proud of.

grouse.jpg

So cheers to warmer weather, and sun, and skiing, and riding and a good rest of February!

Here’s one of Cameron and me at Mt. Sima in 2009ish.Those damn nice pants don’t fit me anymore… but they will…. soooon. Mwa ha ha!

sima

~P²

The Princess at the Ball

Last weekend Cameron and I went to the Policeman’s Ball in Watson Lake. Our friends and Princess teammates Jon and Jenna invited us to come party and it was fun and really fun! We drove down there on a sunny Saturday and it was a beautiful trip.

I wore a dress! I realize that wearing a dress is a basic princess skill, however this princess doesn’t normally do dresses. I found a great one that was pretty and twirly and fit right so I princessed it up for the night. I saw old friends and met new ones including Miss Town of Faro Karina Watson who is hilarious and fun and awesome and hopefully will join the princess team!

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Miss Town of Faro

I danced the night away and realized that walking in heels for more than an hour is a life skill that I have lost in the last couple years. I’ll have to work on that one, lol. Here are some photos from the ball.

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Watson Lake RCMP Members; Me and Cameron; Me and Jenna
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Dress Twirlin with Jon

 

After a late night, a sleep in and noon time breakfast with friends we headed back up the Alaska Highway towards home. The sky was beautiful and we had another good drive followed by collapsing into bed to recover.

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The Alaska Highway

This weekend we went out for dinner with friends and I got to wear the other dress that I may or may not have also bought for the ball before finding orange twirly awesomeness. I took this – right light, right angle, good filter, actually wearing makeup – shot. 😉

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We had a great time with Peter and Steph and marveled at the fact that we went out two weekends in a row. We’re total homebodies so this was a pretty epic two weekends for us. We’re exhausted!


 

So, back to fitness.

January has been a bust for me results wise. It’s been a disappointing month of my own making. No I haven’t quit and I’m still working out but once again nutrition has been my downfall. So instead of dwelling on it I’m trying to chuck it away and move forward into February. I need a new plan and James and I are working on some solutions to my nutrition woes so I can get it right this month. I’ll let you know when we find one. The solution is probably something like – HEY PRINCESS! You’re pretty smart, just eat fewer calories and you’ll start losing some serious weight – well, easier said than done for me. Maybe I just don’t want it bad enough, I don’t know. I want it pretty bad though and I’m super motivated on the fitness side, I just need to get the nutrition to click.

I was back at the stairs this week and I haven’t been there in almost a  month, which was a huge mistake. The weather was cold for a bit and then I got a cold and it just never happened. Two days ago I got back there with James and those damn stairs let me know I’d been away for a while by fusing my calves into rocks. Remember the Zombie walk? Well it has returned at about 75% power. I shuffled across the living room this morning which caused Cameron to cover his head and yell “don’t eat my brains!!!”. At least I am able to step out of the bathroom in under five minutes this time, gotta look on the bright side. I won’t be making that mistake again. Stairs every week or zombie? Believe it or not I’ll take stairs.

This is a short update but really I don’t have much to say about January, I want to forget it and make February my power month. I’m focusing everything I’ve got on getting some big results. I’ve said before that writing this blog is scary because I can’t fail quietly anymore. I’ve already made some commitments and statements here that I’ve failed pretty loud on and that has made me want to stop writing and just disappear. But I won’t do it. I’m going to write more in February, get my nutrition on track, step up my workouts even more and follow through. I’m possibly setting myself up for a hard fall here, but hey… what if I do it? How sweet will that be? I’ve been beating myself up for January and been a little down, but I feel good and optimistic today and ready to say FUCK January… lets move forward on these zombie legs.

I’ll leave you with my favourite photo from the Ball. When I said I wanted a cheek kiss – foot pop photo I did not know that Jon was going to pop a foot as well. Well played Constable, well played.

footpop

~P²

So Many Mistakes

We’re 17 days in to 2016 and my “New Year, With No Mistakes in it” already has so, so many. Why haven’t I written for 17 days you ask? Shame I think. Yeah, pretty much shame. I talk a big game; apparently my follow through still needs some attention.

The work is good. The running is good. Great even. But I haven’t done what I said I was going to do, and that chafes. Tony Horton and I haven’t seen each other in a while. I fully, publicly committed on this blog to 90 days of P90X3. Have I done that? No and very no. I like Tony. I like his philosophy and his workouts, but man are they fucking hard! So, no follow through on that one. I also said in the context of “shit is going to get real” that there would be no booze for a while and no smokes forever. Have I done that? Again, no and very no. FUCK! I suck so badly sometimes and I really didn’t want you all to know. Many people have told me that I am inspiring them, and I find that a heavy responsibility to carry. I fail often, and I feel like an inspiration shouldn’t. But that’s not real, and I started this thing to be real. So the reality is… I fail. I fail a lot. I feel like I shouldn’t be anyone’s inspiration because I still feel like I need so much inspiration. I’m sorry that I’ve let you down, but that’s the truth.

Alright, pity party over… Back to the work. James asked me a couple of weeks ago to commit to a minimum of 30 minutes of activity a day without excuse. I’ve done that at least. That I can do. We were chatting the other day and I told him that it’s easy (relatively speaking) to do the things he tells me to do. The hard part is not doing the things I should not do. Why? No fucking clue.

When I stopped hanging with Tony and his P90Xing I felt pretty crap about it. After kicking myself in arse multiple times I thought about what I really liked to do. What I knew I would stick with (other than the running of course, always the running). I came back to combat. It feels like home. I so love punching and kicking, and the combat program is where I really found my first success a few years ago. So I went back to it. I’ve been doing combat workouts almost daily and running a few times a week on top. I’ve also been punching and kicking the pads with James (So. Much. Fun.). So as I said at the beginning, the work is good. Actually I feel great about the work I’m doing… the calories I’m burning… the sweat and soreness and pain… that part is all good. That shit is still real.

But I’m still doing something wrong. The weight isn’t melting off. It’s nutrition. It has to be; because the work is there. I committed at the beginning of the year to tracking everything that goes into my mouth and I’ve done that believe it or not. I know it’s too much and I don’t make enough good choices. I need to change that. I’ve just finished a block at my job which was sometimes great and sometimes shit and the week is new. I’m looking at five days off… five days to get it right. I’m going to take it a day at a time. As my Jedi says, just today. Just do today. I look at today and think I can do it right. But really I need to break it down more than that. I need to do just the next hour, the next ten minutes, the next minute. I can get the next minute right; of course I can. Then I must do the next, and the next, one at a time.

I have so much support. So much love. So much faith from my friends and family. I feel like I’m letting you all down. I’m so sorry. It should be “new year, new you” right? But it feels more like “new year, new watch, new shoes, same old shitty you”.

I need to turn this around. Maybe I’m just tired from night shift and feeling sorry for myself. I don’t know. What I do know is that I have a full week of fitness ahead of me. Workouts with Jenna, with Alison (hopefully) and most definitely with James. I can do the work. I like the work. Maybe that’s just part one. Part one has come together, it’s good. Now I need to focus on part two… nutrition. I can do this. I know I can do this.

So get real princess. Get your shit together and do this. You can. You so can.

Perhaps I lied earlier when I said pity party over. This whole entry was kind of a pity party. But I do want to be real, not for your sympathy but just for the reals. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows here, however there are still things to be thankful for. Cameron’s encouragement and belief in me. My family’s love and support. My friends who stay with me through good times and bad. My Jedi who is a guy that sticks, even when I suck. My readers and followers who deserve the truth, and the truth you will have. I’m in a hard place, but I won’t quit because of all of you. Thank you.

~P²  (Andy assures me that P² is both nerdier and cooler than PP… I tend to agree) 😉

Here’s a shot of the beginning of my night shift the other night. Buffy, salad, coffee and running magazines. It was a day that I got it right. Here’s to more of those.