Triumph and Tragedy

Triumph!

I ran 5.74k today! It was really a bit more but as you can see from my run map I forgot to turn on my gps for the first bit.

route

It was week 4 day 1 of C25K and I had two 3 minute run segments and two 5 minute ones. Last week the max was 3 minutes so I was a little nervous for the fivers. I was running with Princess Sweatsalot today so it was my first run with someone other than Svelte and my first run in public. In my rural neighbourhood I get passed by one car, maybe, and I never see other runners or walkers. Mostly we just get attacked by neighbour dogs and they don’t care about my wobbly bits.

As I was walking to meet Sweatsalot my legs were actually shaking a bit because I was nervous about the running in public thing… but I’m generally a pretty confident person and don’t care much what other people think of me. No that’s not true. I totally care. Mostly about what people I know and like think of me though, strangers I’m more indifferent to. I told myself to get over it and Sweatsalot told me to also (she put it a bit more diplomatically I think) and I did, mostly. We set off on the adventure.

Sweatsalot is definitely faster than me, but every time she wanted to speed up she ran ahead and then loyally ran back to me and kept pace for a while with words of encouragement that I sorely needed. I don’t think I would have kept going on the fivers without her there. At one point she looked back from two steps in front of me directly at my feet which were barely lifting on the trail and told me to pick them up! I called her a sneaky foot looker, but I did it.

When the C25K app told me I was done we were half way around the loop trail. So I walked for five minutes and then set it on the last run for week 3 and kept going with 90 second and 3 minute run intervals until we were about 500m from the start. Triumph! I owe this one to Sweats and now that she’s pushed me through the first run I’ll make it for the other two runs this week because I know I can do it. The other contributing factor which was important, although not as much as my Sweaty hero was the song Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. This was somehow on my running playlist and came on right after the sneaky foot looker incident. How can you not run or dance to that song? So good. Add it to your list, seriously. I’ve chair danced to it once and full on danced to it twice already while blogging. It’s really slowing the writing down.

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Tragedy

Although a minor tragedy in the general scope of tragedies, it is nonetheless hilarious.

It started when I arrived at home after the triumph and stepped out of the car. I had definitely forgotten to stretch out after the run. This was evident when I tried to step out of the car and everything went creeeeeeaak. I hobbled into the house and since I was still warm half an hour later I stretched it out using the stair railing as a convenient support. I had one more stretch that I needed to sit down for so I got down on the ground and dem puppies attacked! Apparently I am delicious after a run. I wrestled with their hugs and kisses for a bit and then finished my stretch and tried to get up. I could not. I was stuck on the ground forever. I took a few minutes to gather all the strength I possess and managed to arise.

Is this the tragedy you ask? Oh no… worse was to come.

I made myself a delicious and healthy chicken wrap for dinner and it was thoroughly enjoyable. Then I headed out to clean up the garbage that a nighttime visitor had decided to scatter around the shed. The door had been left open (not by me for once) and someone found it to be a tasty snack. So I started the disgusting job of picking it all up and made my way to the bag it had come from. This bag was particularly ripe and unpleasant. You need to understand that I have a very strong gag reflex. If someone just makes a gag noise or horks up some phlegm it’s gag city for me. So as I started to try and get the offending bag into a new one I got a big whiff of the garbage stink and gag happened. And then another one, and another. I ran away and thought about puppies chasing butterflies and pristine waterfalls to get myself together. When I was ready I tried again. Gag. Puppies and butterflies, another try. Gag… gag… gag.. VOMIT! I threw up my entire delicious wrap. And all the water I drank, and possibly yesterdays breakfast. It was terrible!!!  I hate throwing up. It’s the worst.

I had to text Svelte to tell him about this and he thought it was hilarious. His only reply was that he was really sad he wasn’t here to see it. Typical. He’s tried to get me to puke more than once by making gagging sounds and has almost succeeded before taking pity on me and stopping. I asked him if he wanted a photo to prove it had happened. He said… “no?… I don’t know?… I’m torn.” So I sent him a long distance photo which clearly shows a puke puddle but not close enough to be 100% disgusting. 50% was good enough. I guess our nighttime visitor will come back to another tasty snack tonight (that was an example of 100% disgusting).

I dragged my tired body into the hot tub and settled down with a drink and Canadian Running magazine. I opened it up and the cardboard subscription card promptly fell into the water. I turned off the jets and looked for it in vain. It was gone into the filter. So I opened up the filter and stuck my hand in it to get it out. It wasn’t there. I tried to retrieve my hand as I’m fond of it, but I couldn’t. It was stuck! In the hot tub filter! And I had gotten out of the hot tub to look for it so I was standing in the cold wind, soaking wet with my hand stuck in the hot tub filter. I’m sure this kind of thing only happens to me. I panicked for a minute but once I calmed down a bit I was able to work it out of the filter. I had noticed while stuck in there that the bromine tablet had dissolved. So I grabbed the bottle of bromine and tried to drop a tablet into the cap of the bottle. Unfortunately I had grabbed the shock instead of the bromine which is granules and not tablets. I poured shock granules all over my hand, and the bench and the deck. Switch swooped in to give it a lick and instead got a smack and a NO! I walked into the house soaking wet and dripping to wash my hands and get a bowl of water to wash it away. While doing this I noticed the cardboard subscription card on the bottom of the hot tub. Seriously? After I had successfully deposited bromine into the tub I got back in and settled down to relax… for 5 minutes until the sky opened up and poured rain on me and my magazine. Sigh.

So the morals of this story are:

  1. Your friends are awesome, run with them.
  2. Stretch after you run.
  3. If the garbage gets scattered leave it for your husband to deal with.
  4. Do not stick your hand in the hot tub filter.
  5. Make sure you have the right bottle before you go pouring it everywhere.
  6. Listen to Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.

Do do do, Jitterbug!

~PP

The Laundry Injury – A Tale of Woe

Our story begins on a typical August evening in the far north of Canada when a prince sometimes called Svelte declared to his princess that her laundry was getting out of control… again.

It was impossible to disagree with him, it was indeed out of countrol. A veritable mountain of laundry had grown while he was away on his business trip to take over his own laundry bin. This is the only reason why he had to say something. He is usually very understanding of my aversion to laundry but when his own bin is compromised I have gone beyond the pale. Fair enough.

Perhaps running and the sweaty clothing it generates was to blame, more likely laziness. But the reason matters not! Something had to be done. That something was laundry.

I trudged down to the basement multiple times and got that mountain washed. It was still a mountain, but now a clean mountain.

It is important to know that our bed situation had changed the day before. We had a very high bed until the day before the laundry mishap. It was a four poster deal that I could only get in by dive rolling which is dangerous when tired or drinky. Picture trying to roll onto your kitchen counter to get into bed every night. Chinook has pretty good ups so she had no problem with it, but Switch being twice her size and not nearly as springy was having more issues. I was done with the dive rolls and deemed that the high bed had to go, so Svelte had disassembled the bed and put our mattress on the floor college style until we find a better lower frame. The repercussion I did not anticipate was the loss of my laundry folding platform. It was the perfect height for that.

I sat down on my new low bed to tackle mount laundry. One hour later I was still folding… and had sunk into my amazing tempurpedic bed. These beds are amazing for sleeping in (if you’ve never tried one it is worth every single cent and more) but not amazing for sitting in the middle of with no back rest. I was doing some weird laundry folding hunch thing that was setting my back on fire. I got up, my back rebelled. I had a line of fire to the right side of my spine! I groaned, I whined, I complained. If a Pudgy Princess yells in her room with no one around, does she make a sound? If it does princes don’t hear it. I laid down and sulked.

Svelte eventually came by and asked if I was taking a little break. “I hurt my back!”

“What?”

“I hurt my back, it’s killing me!”

“Weren’t you just folding laundry?”

“Yes! It hurts!”

“You’re seriously telling me you have a laundry injury?”

“Yes!!!”

I had a laundry injury. I was not finshed with the laundry but I was seriously finished with the laundry. You know? It was just about time for bed so I put away what I had done and went to bed. No sleep happened because my effing back was in a full spasm! Ridiculous.

I can’t be 100% sure here but I’m fairly certain the last laundry injury occured in 1403 when a washer woman who was beating her lord’s clothes on the rocks down by the river slipped and was washed away by the current never to be seen again. Who gets a laundry injury? Nobody. Nobody gets a laundry injury. Ever.

This happened the day before my almost 5k run so it didn’t stop me from running and didn’t bother me at all on the run. Today and yesterday I’ve been sitting in a classroom for some work training and it’s really been twinging. I had the option to run today or tomorrow. I didn’t run today after work. I stopped by Princess Ear Handle’s place and she gave me a very nice present. A bottle of Kracken Rum! So I had two very good reasons not to run tonight. A bottle of Kracken, and a bottle of Appleton rum I already had at home. Have I mentioned that I like rum?

Tomorrow I will acomplish something I have never acomplished before. I will run in the morning before work. I have tried countless times to get up before work and exercise. My alarm goes off, and then I say “what the FUCK was I thinking???” and turn it off. Why will it be different tomorrow?

Three reasons:

  1. I am telling you that I will do it. This is the only reason why I’ve made it over the two week hump and am still running at all. Real humans are reading this. I told you I’m gonna do it, so I’m gonna do it.
  2. Kracken will make sure I don’t run after work
  3. If Kracken doesn’t make sure, Appleton will.

So ask me tomorrow if I ran in the morning. I don’t want to deal with the shame of telling you I didn’t.

Also, don’t fold laundry for an hour while sitting on a tempurpedic bed with no back rest.

Also, don’t let your laundry pile up so much that you have to fold it for an hour. It sucks 😉

~PP

Epilogue: my laundry is still not done but Svelte has his bin back so he’s happy 🙂