Ahh to Have a Dog’s Attitude…

A post run drink for two.

A post run drink for two

Dogs love running. Love it! Why is it the best thing ever for them? It’s one of the pinnacles of their lives, along with finally catching that squirrel that’s been teasing them all summer, chewing bones and sleeping. I wish I could just naturally love it like they do. I also wish I had four legs. Then maybe I could spread the tired out a little more and run faster.

They know when I start getting ready that they’re going out and they do not hesitate to let me know how excited they are. Switch actually vibrates and makes Chewbacca like noises. (I just learned that the dictionary on this computer doesn’t know Chewbacca. Not nerd friendly I guess. It wanted to change it to backache… so I guess it is new runner friendly and that’s something)

I think they see me put my shirt on and Switch says to Chinook “Hey! She’s putting on that shirt!”

Chinook replies “that one? The one that’s more glaringly bright grey than all her other shirts?”

“Yes! I THINK WE’RE GOING OUT” he shouts.

“YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!” They both say until we get out the door.

My shirt is bright pink… that was a – dogs are colour blind – joke, just in case you missed it. Har har har 😉

The point is I can’t imagine feeling that way about running. I hope to get that feeling one day but it wasn’t today. The weather was niceish and the running part went well. Switch decided he was a lead dog coming up on the finish line of the Yukon Quest and would not stop pulling for a while. We worked it out but then he had some focus problems and cut me off while staring down neighbour driveways about four times. He was like me at the mall, unable to walk in a straight line because I’m marveling at everything. Ask Svelte, I exasperate him and sometimes he just lets me walk into signs and such.

I ran into him the first three times but managed to slow down before disaster occurred and he figured it out. The last time he cut me off the only thing that saved us from a terrible limb flying, leash tangling pile of princess and dog was some crazy pudgy ninja move that I pulled by hurdling over him and managing to stay upright. It was a Christmas miracle! Now I’ve used that up for everyone. Sorry guys.

Today was C25K Week 3 day 3 and I’m on to week 4 after my night shifts tonight and tomorrow. Princess Sweatsalot and I are going to do a run together on Wednesday. I took a sneaky peek at the run and I will be up to 5 minute run sections on this one. That seemed impossible to me three weeks ago. That’s something I have to remember when I think about how long a half marathon is (and it’s just HALF).

It seems impossible now but it isn’t, I can do it.

~PP

The Laundry Injury – A Tale of Woe

Our story begins on a typical August evening in the far north of Canada when a prince sometimes called Svelte declared to his princess that her laundry was getting out of control… again.

It was impossible to disagree with him, it was indeed out of countrol. A veritable mountain of laundry had grown while he was away on his business trip to take over his own laundry bin. This is the only reason why he had to say something. He is usually very understanding of my aversion to laundry but when his own bin is compromised I have gone beyond the pale. Fair enough.

Perhaps running and the sweaty clothing it generates was to blame, more likely laziness. But the reason matters not! Something had to be done. That something was laundry.

I trudged down to the basement multiple times and got that mountain washed. It was still a mountain, but now a clean mountain.

It is important to know that our bed situation had changed the day before. We had a very high bed until the day before the laundry mishap. It was a four poster deal that I could only get in by dive rolling which is dangerous when tired or drinky. Picture trying to roll onto your kitchen counter to get into bed every night. Chinook has pretty good ups so she had no problem with it, but Switch being twice her size and not nearly as springy was having more issues. I was done with the dive rolls and deemed that the high bed had to go, so Svelte had disassembled the bed and put our mattress on the floor college style until we find a better lower frame. The repercussion I did not anticipate was the loss of my laundry folding platform. It was the perfect height for that.

I sat down on my new low bed to tackle mount laundry. One hour later I was still folding… and had sunk into my amazing tempurpedic bed. These beds are amazing for sleeping in (if you’ve never tried one it is worth every single cent and more) but not amazing for sitting in the middle of with no back rest. I was doing some weird laundry folding hunch thing that was setting my back on fire. I got up, my back rebelled. I had a line of fire to the right side of my spine! I groaned, I whined, I complained. If a Pudgy Princess yells in her room with no one around, does she make a sound? If it does princes don’t hear it. I laid down and sulked.

Svelte eventually came by and asked if I was taking a little break. “I hurt my back!”

“What?”

“I hurt my back, it’s killing me!”

“Weren’t you just folding laundry?”

“Yes! It hurts!”

“You’re seriously telling me you have a laundry injury?”

“Yes!!!”

I had a laundry injury. I was not finshed with the laundry but I was seriously finished with the laundry. You know? It was just about time for bed so I put away what I had done and went to bed. No sleep happened because my effing back was in a full spasm! Ridiculous.

I can’t be 100% sure here but I’m fairly certain the last laundry injury occured in 1403 when a washer woman who was beating her lord’s clothes on the rocks down by the river slipped and was washed away by the current never to be seen again. Who gets a laundry injury? Nobody. Nobody gets a laundry injury. Ever.

This happened the day before my almost 5k run so it didn’t stop me from running and didn’t bother me at all on the run. Today and yesterday I’ve been sitting in a classroom for some work training and it’s really been twinging. I had the option to run today or tomorrow. I didn’t run today after work. I stopped by Princess Ear Handle’s place and she gave me a very nice present. A bottle of Kracken Rum! So I had two very good reasons not to run tonight. A bottle of Kracken, and a bottle of Appleton rum I already had at home. Have I mentioned that I like rum?

Tomorrow I will acomplish something I have never acomplished before. I will run in the morning before work. I have tried countless times to get up before work and exercise. My alarm goes off, and then I say “what the FUCK was I thinking???” and turn it off. Why will it be different tomorrow?

Three reasons:

  1. I am telling you that I will do it. This is the only reason why I’ve made it over the two week hump and am still running at all. Real humans are reading this. I told you I’m gonna do it, so I’m gonna do it.
  2. Kracken will make sure I don’t run after work
  3. If Kracken doesn’t make sure, Appleton will.

So ask me tomorrow if I ran in the morning. I don’t want to deal with the shame of telling you I didn’t.

Also, don’t fold laundry for an hour while sitting on a tempurpedic bed with no back rest.

Also, don’t let your laundry pile up so much that you have to fold it for an hour. It sucks 😉

~PP

Epilogue: my laundry is still not done but Svelte has his bin back so he’s happy 🙂


(Almost) 5k Today

Here is my route today

  

  
Thanks Fitbit Surge watch for that awesome map! You’ll notice I’ve blurred out the street names so you can’t come a murder me in my sleep… although I’m sure if you were intent on murdering me you could figure it out by the shape of the roads. Just to remind you, I have a huge German Shepherd who is really mean and not silly at all. For reals though, I have a big shotgun… in my bedroom. 

So I know it’s not even 4.5k, BUT it’s a lot closer to 5k than I’ve walked/ran most days of my life. Also… I just yelled at Svelte “runned??” and he said distainfully, “ran.” I fancy myself somewhat of a wordsmith at times, but apparently ran was not in my vocabulary until today. Rum may be to blame, there’s no way to know. 

If you look at my pace you will see that kilometer 2 was mostly a big uphill, kilometer 3 was mostly trying to breathe again and kilometer 4 was mostly downhill. I have to get that pace down to about 9 minutes a kilometer for the half marathon. The slowest you can run it is 16 minutes per mile without being shamefully taken off the course. The Disney website recommends training at 15 minutes per mile. 

My goal is to be at 9 minutes per kilometer by race day. That will be a (very) approximate half marathon time of 3 hours. I’d love to be faster but right now this is my goal. If I reach it with time left I’ll pick up the pace. 

Serioulsy though, if I can finish this race in last place and not be hauled off the course it will be a VICTORY!

Today my rum was pretty good. Did I say rum? I mean run, yeah, run. 

I left at approximately or exactly 13:12 as you can see on the map (ooooh she uses 24 hour time, neat!). Dem puppies were with me as always. Everything started well and then about 1k into the run I realized that the battery had died in Switch’s electronic collar. Remember he is HUGE and occasionally he needs to be reminded to listen to me. So a dead battery meant that he pulled me about 80% of the run and the other 20% I was yelling at him to stop pulling me, between attempts to breathe. He’s pretty smart and he knew that fecking thing was dead. 

I decided to go around the neighbourhood and do this once a week so I can have a good record of how much my time is improving while I train. I work 2 days, 2 nights, 5 days off and have just nailed down a schedule for myself. I will run on the day of my first night shift, and then my first, third and 5th day off. My second and 4th day off are cross training and my day shifts and in between my nights are rest days. So my third day off will always be this 4.4k run (longer when I get there). It’s impossible to do anything on a calendar week when you work shift work. I usually don’t even know what day of the week it is. 

Everything, except Switch pulling me, went well until we were about 500 meters from home when the neighbour’s dog two doors down (the neighborhood is all acreages so 2 doors down is a ways) decided to come out on the road and attack us. So I have a 70ish lb dog running and growling at us and a 105lb German Shepherd with a dead electronic collar trying to run and growl back at him while attached to my backpack. Luckily I spotted this dog first (miracle!) and grabbed him by the short handle on the leash before he tried to defend his mother’s honour. I actually yelled “who’s FUCKING dog is this” as they were about to get into it. Some girl started yelling at our attacker and Switch barked and stared him down until he slinked away. It could have gone so horribly wrong but we reached home with all limbs in tact. 

Then the running gods smiled upon me! It was drizzly and overcast all day and I had taken advantage of a lull in the rain to get my run in. Not 5 minutes after we got home the sky opened up and a torrential downpour commenced. I laid on the couch, breathed and thanked them for holding off until I was done. I will remember that next time I have to run in the rain and give thanks for that one time when they waited until I was done. 

In other news I’ve lost a pound. Two weeks in and only one pound but I wasn’t too focused on what I was eating the first week and half. I am now using my fitness pal which synchs to my fitbit app and the eating is going better now. I’m going for a 1000 calorie deficit per day which scales to the amount of calories I burn. I like that better than a static calorie goal. I must always eat a minimum of 1200 calories (no effing problem!) and then depending on how much I burn I can eat more as long as I maintain that 1000 calorie deficit. Usually that equals at least 1500 calories of eating but if I do absolutely nothing all day I can still eat 1200-1300. 

99 pounds to go. For some reason that seems like so much less than 100 pounds. Sweet!

~PP